Support > Talking with Children About Your Cancer

Last update: 08/13/2010

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Interview with Peter R. van Dernoot (CLIMB) When Mom or Dad Has Cancer: Help For Children

Here we provide resources to assist parents diagnosed with cancer  to talk about the diagnosis with children. 

We have also formed an online support group for parents with cancer so that you can share experiences, offer and receive encouragement, and ask questions about how to talk about your cancer with your children. Click here for information about how to easily subscribe by email.

It is natural for families facing a cancer diagnosis to be upset and worried about how they will deal with this crisis. Families with young children or adolescents may have additional concerns about how their children will cope with the uncertainty produced by a cancer diagnosis. ^[4]

"Talking to children about your cancer can be a very difficult thing to do, and may be upsetting for both you and the child. However, involving children in the situation and letting them know what is happening can be very supportive to them and can help them to cope better with a parent's or grandparent's illness." ^[1]

"All children experience guilt about their possible causative role, grief and yearning for lost parenting from both parents, fear for themselves, and anger and resentment about being abandoned or shunted aside. This latter reaction can be quite realistic, as young children are often sent away and are almost always bypassed in the illness communication network. Therefore, fantasies replace fact, and, as child therapists have long known, these are more tormenting than even a grim reality." ^[2]

"Honesty helps children establish and maintain a bond of trust. The truth, even when it is painful, is vital. If a child learns of a parent's deception, they will have a problem being comforted later by words/actions wondering if the parent is telling the truth. By being truthful, you can also feel assured that the child can be guided to accurate, healthy and hopeful interpretations of events and you can help them to learn coping skills."   ^[3]

Resources:

1. Talking to your children about your cancer cancerbacup.org.uk

2. Talking to Your Children About Breast Cancer nabco.org  
    
   Rait and Lederberg, "The Family of the Cancer Patient," Handbook of Psycho-Oncology, (1991). 
   
   Quoted in Musa Mayer, Advanced Breast Cancer: A Guide to Living with Metastatic Disease, (1998), O'Reilly & Associates, Inc. Bookstores.

3. Talking With Your Child About Your Cancer vh.org

   Peer Review Status: Internally Reviewed by the Cancer Information Service
   First Published: 2003 | Last Revised: 2003

4. Talking to Children About Cancer  ACS
    
   ACS Offers Tips for Talking to Children About Breast Cancer 

5. ASCO Expert Corner: Talking With Your Child About His or Her Cancer PLWC.org 
   
   Children frequently understand a great deal more than we as parents or caretakers realize and give them credit for. Withholding information from a child who can sense the anxiety and fear in his or her parents and other family members substantially increases their own fear and anxiety. It is important to be open and honest and share as many facts ...

6. Children's Treehouse Foundation http://www.childrenstreehousefdn.org/ourroll1.html