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Patients Against Lymphoma


 Main Support > Patient-to-Patient Support > Being a Caregiver

Mary writes:

Oh my gosh, Karl ... my husband was/is just like this. I can only tell you what I/we did. First off... I hugged him a lot. Told him I was going to be at his side always and we'd face this "together".  He still kept his head buried in the sand. So, I had to accept ( key word accept) that this was his way to cope. Let him talk if and when he wanted to...which he rarely did or 
does ... even now after four plus years.

I truly believe that "information" about this disease plus "support" has played a vital role. I found out that, when I learned  about this disease, I would gradually...very gradually....feed him information. I knew he really wanted to know....he just didn't want to ask and find out. It's a fine line especially at first...say the first two years. Now, after four years, he will ask me what the doctor meant when he said this or that. So I guess what I'm saying is to go slow...it's a learning process for everyone involved. I might add here that if it's the aggressive type of NHL, you may have to go a little faster.

Also of interest, he learned that I too am suffering through this with him. We just do it differently. I need information and stability and  knowledge of what the next course of action might be. He needs hope.  In the long run ... we both learned to accept, in some small way, this trial even though it's not what we (or anyone) would have chosen.  You take each day as a gift and you do what you have to do.

I didn't mean this to be so long but...it is something we had to come to terms with ... as does everyone else.

This person may be helped with an antidepressant, too. ... Just an added thought.

-Mary K. (NHL-info)
Husband dx "98" stage IV  SLL colon. FND+Rituxan+1yr. Interferon
Trial...24mo. remission...01/23/01 relapsed...4/01  Rituxan+Leukine
x's4...6/01 retested and in remission....11/01 retested...still in
remission!! 06/02 tested and STILL in remission!! Next tests in 01/03

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